First of all: I decided to finally get a twitter. Because I actually found myself one day having a very funny insight into humankind that was less than 140 characters and I had nowhere to put it because I didn’t have twitter. And also because I don’t think anyone really checks facebook anymore.
You’ll notice –hey. Your handle isn’t Oddbutnice? Nope. Apparently I either signed up for it years ago and forgot or Odd but nice is just becoming a popular phrase. I can dig it. Anyway, that’s that. So I have to be OddbutNice1.
ONTO THE COMIC!
So, if you know anything about my life right now, you’d know that I am having a heck of a time sleeping. It continually evades me. Which is weird, because usually my relationship with sleep is usually very copacetic.
But I guess I get much like an overly attached girlfriend to my sleep and sleep decides it has to be a jerk.
So my usual nightly routine involves me slowly growing sleepy, usually when watching previously recorded Jeopardy episodes. I feel my eyelids grow heavy and then I crawl in between the crisp sheets of my bed, welcoming the warm darkness.
Except, it starts as a subtle restlessness. And then a hitting a brick wall and being even more awake than I was that entire day. Then the cycling thoughts that will NOT shut up.
Then i try to calm myself by thinking nice thoughts, but they usually get away from me too.
Until its 4 am and I have to get up to start a whole new day in two hours.
If this happened once in a blue moon, yes I would be pissed off. But I’d get over it. But unfortunately, these bouts of sleeplessness usually coming in a prolonged series.
The following always happens as the days go by.
#1. My face looks like it was walked on by an elephant carrying a dinosaur.
I wake up, having no rest, with giant circles under my bloodshot eyes, my hair looking frazzled, my skin having had no time to rejuvenate over the course of a full sleep looks sallow and droopy. Bottom line: I look like garbage.
#2. As the sleeplessness continues, I make increasingly poor decisions as the days roll by.
I should note that at this point the days which now seem like one, endless, horrifying day.
#3. Daily tasks like opening mail, typing on the computer and generally anything related to hand-eye coordination seem daunting and at times impossible. My self esteem takes a nose dive because combined with the melting face, poor clothing selections and inability to do anything correctly I assume that I should be locked up away somewhere lest small children gaze upon me and scream.
At this time I tend to cry over really stupid things. A lot.
#4. My head feels like its floating and my eyes have trouble focusing. I get through my day by forcing a smile on my face and avoiding interaction with people at all costs- I try bargaining with sleep. I become desperate.
#5. When my sleeplessness has reached an unhealthy level, I become afraid of everything. Like, I genuinely worry about people breaking into my house even though there has been no issues in the entire building since we moved here. Or I am convinced that if I don’t wipe up the water on the floor immediately following a shower, I will trip in the hallway, bang my head and go into a coma.
It usually gets unbearably at night. My husband tries, but does not quite know how to wrangle crazy yet. He attempts reason. Sleep has no reason.
At this point, I usually have a full on melt down. I cry and whine and don’t understand that I’m not sleeping because I’ve now worked myself up into a frenzy every time the sky gets dark. Its at this dark time that sleep suddenly finds he has pity for me. This usually comes after finding me hunched on the floor crying and carrying on.
Usually I cry myself into a sleeping coma where I sleep for up to 12 hours at a time.
And then my friends, the beauteous joy of sleep.
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